We’ve been looking for a rental to move into for almost two weeks now, and it’s very slow going.  Last Wednesday we went to look at a duplex that was perfect.  It’s the bottom half of a house that has been remodeled, so the rooms are big, plus the halls are kind of twisty like a maze.  It was so awesome.  Plus it has parking, a deck, and a fenced yard for our dog.  And twice the square footage of this house for just about the same amount of money.  Twice.

I could get the wedding presents out of the closet in my mom’s house where they’ve been for almost two years.

As you can imagine, we aren’t the only ones interested in it.  In fact, when we made an appointment to go see it, someone else was there to see it at the same time. This was a scheduling mistake on their part – they intended for our appointments to be at different times, but someone took the message down incorrectly.  Which happens, right? Anyway, since it’s a big local property management company that shall remain nameless (if you live here, you know there are basically two, and yes we are dealing with both of them) they have a policy in place to deal with such things as multiple interest in a property.

Basically it’s a race.  Whoever gets there first with money and application wins.  We lost.  By seconds.  As we were pulling into the office parking lot, the other person who’d been looking at the property was walking across the lot.  It briefly occurred to me to leap out of the car, push past her, and run in first.  But then I remembered that I was an adult.  Also, she was so close to the door I don’t think I could’ve accomplished it without bodily contact of an aggressive nature.

So, we’re second in line.  If they don’t get approved, or change their mind, it’s ours.  I’m hoping we hear something today. Even if it’s bad news.  I’ll need the closure.  *sniff*

In other news, we’re making an effort to eat better, for the sake of my health (and his) and our budget.  I’m avoiding the foods that irritate my IBS symptoms, plus we’re trying to eat more fruits and vegetables.  My stomach feels better and I can already tell I have more energy.  I’ve accomplished more things around the house and run more errands in the last week than I did in the last month.

Emotionally? Hmm, that’s another story. Overall, I would say, yes I feel much better.  Feeling better physically has greatly improved my mood.  Also, we have a plan with goals now.  We’re even doing things about the goals, and that feels really good.

What I’m struggling with is not working.  Not the actual act of not working, because, to be honest, it’s fantastic.  We don’t have kids yet – I’m stressing the yet on account of this new positive thinking thing I’m trying – and our plan has always been for me to stay home with them.

But for now I’m “just” a homemaker.   Even though I know, logically, that there are very good reasons for this and that I’m still contributing to our family in a meaningful way, it feels… weird.  All the other times in my life when I was out of work, I was actively looking for it.  Now I’m not.  There’s this tiny voice in my head saying “only losers don’t work” (where is that coming from?).  But more than that, it’s like I’ve lost part of my identity.  I’m not a social worker anymore.

Yes, I know I’ve said this before, but this time I mean it.  It doesn’t mean I’ll never work again in my life, but if I do, it won’t be in social work.

But for now, how do I answer the question “what do you do?”  Anybody have any suggestions?  All I’ve got so far is “Pfft.  Nothing.  I got me a sugar daddy!”