You know how some days just stick in your head, and later you can point to them on a calendar and say, “after that day, my life was completely different”?
I very nearly had a day like that Monday. Fortunately the only thing actually different about my life is some decisions were made and some insights gained.
I would tell you the whole long story, but… no, there is too much, let me sum up.*
It turns out my mom was experiencing the first migraine of her life, but did you know sometimes those things can cause part of your face to go numb? There aren’t many things more terrifying than getting a call from your mom, who’s a nurse, and hearing her voice sound kinda like it does when you go to the dentist. Hearing her say that she’s worried something’s really wrong. Seeing part of her eye and her mouth not respond when she talks or smiles.
The next few hours were a blur of praying that my last coherent conversation with my mom wasn’t going to be about which meds she had recently taken – shouldn’t it have been more… profound? and helplessly straightening her blankets in the ER bed while we waited for CAT scan results and I tried not to think about things like rehab, or God forbid, advanced directives, wills and funerals.
Fortunately the CAT scan showed nothing – no ticking time bombs of any sort – and the pain decreased significantly and the feeling in her face came back when they gave her migraine medicine. So we left with a migraine diagnosis, a prescription, and a large medical bill.
You know how people describe having some moment of clarity during a trauma where all of sudden their life has new meaning?
Yeah, that didn’t happen to me.
But. To some extent my social work training kicked in. While I was falling apart emotionally on the inside, my brain immediately went into planning mode. At the time, I was afraid the very least I would have to deal with is a parent who couldn’t work anymore and would need some mild rehab.
But every scenario in my mind involved all of us going home to Pittsburgh. There just wasn’t a question. I wanted my daddy. I wanted the rest of my family around. I wanted familiarity. I wanted a family member to leave my eventual children with when Jerrad’s at work and one of my parents needs something. I want my eventual children to know their cousins and their grandparents. I want us to be able to live in such a way that we can still afford to make frequent visits back to Oregon to see Jerrad’s family.
(I keep saying “eventual” because if one of you asks if I’m pregnant I will be at defcon 1. Wait, is that the worst one? Because that’s the one I mean. I go back to the doctor on the 27th and I’ll find out if we can start trying again.)
The relocation plan has always involved mom coming with us and living with/near us in some sort of mother-in-law suite, or apartment or something. We were trying to be open about which city for various reasons that honestly now seem silly.
Nothing is more important than family.
So, there it is. We’re moving home to Pittsburgh. Many things still have to fall into place before this can happen, so it’s not like I’ve started packing. I can’t even describe what a relief it is to finally have a decision made and one direction in which to focus our energies.
At times it won’t be fantastic – every family has their moments. Our family vacations are referred to as “family fiascos” and with good reason. At times one of us won’t talk to the other for months over some perceived slight or other. And, well, this sums up what happens when I sit at a table with my whole family:
In short, we’re a typical family.
* I’m not explaining this reference, because if I have to we shouldn’t be friends.
WHAT?
WHEN?
The pic is priceless.
The when is still very much up in the air. I would love it if it could happen in/before fall, but that might not be reasonable… lots of things have to happen first.
I love the pic! I found it (and my newest avatar) in the “throwaway” wedding pics folder – all the extras the photographer thought weren’t that great. But I’ve been liking them the best. She caught some pretty good moments
Man, you started out scaring me. First thing I thought as well was a stroke or TIA. I am glad your mom is okay. I am not happy it happened, but am pleased that it helped you realize the path for you and your family. I really do hope that things start falling in place for you. I am sorry for all the pain and turmoil that you have had to deal with. I wish for you good things and I hope this path that you are taking is the right one and that positive things come your way.
That was sort of the idea! I started off very scared as well… And that’s how I’m looking at it too – I hate that it happened, but I’m glad it illuminated certain things for us.
Thank you mama
And I’ve been reading you even though I’ve been too lazy to comment lately – congratulations are in order, I hear?
Yup. Thanks. I hope my relationship is a wonderful as yours.
I’m like you – in a crisis, I’m the clear headed one figuring out what’s next – I can’t fall apart, because my brain won’t let me… I don’t fall apart until everything is in the clear.
Defcon 1 *is* the most extreme one. it counts down from 5. Thank you, “Wargames”. ;o)
I’m happy that you made a decision… and I hope you’re able to get there soon. I have a feeling once you get settled, a lot more will fall into place for you. Good luck with the job front, as well… or – for your husband’s job front… hopefully you know what I mean..
Totally! I think that’s why I was so exhausted that night and the next day…
Thanks
I already feel so much more relieved knowing a decision is made. I finally slept more than 4 hours last night.
I’m with you on that one. Go. Follow your heart and your family. Yes, they drive you insane, and sometimes you have better relationships with them from far away, but…
I had made the decision last summer to move back to AZ at some point to be closer to my parents since, well, they’re old and when they’re gone, they’re gone and I’d like to spend more time with them while they’re here. A couple of months ago, my mom, at 70 and suffering degenerative effects of diabetes, got in a minor car accident (her fault). In January, my dad, at 81, fell down the stairs at his apartments (nothing broke, thank heavens). I’m now desperately trying to get a job in AZ because I very much need to be closer as more accidents happen (see, I fall apart in emergencies — too many variables to analyze).
So you have my support and very best wishes to you in your return to your fam. Just don’t forget to breathe once in awhile and remember why you went back there in the first place. I know I’ll need to…
It was a big decision – obviously if we’ve been thinking about it for so long!
I know how hard it must have been for you when those things happened, not being able to be there. Even though I still felt helpless, at least I was here and could be with her. And mom’s first choice was to move back home too, so she’s pretty happy that’s what we’ve decided.
Hopefully things will all work out for you so you and your new hubby can get to AZ quickly and as easily as possible