Posted By Cathy on August 30, 2010

Actually I’m only a day and a half from being ten weeks along, but this title was catchier.  Plus maybe you decided to read this post because you thought it might be kinda sexy.

It won’t be.  The first trimester continues to kick my ass.  A shower is pretty much all I can accomplish in a day, and that’s not even happening every day.

My head is exploding with thoughts and feelings to share with all of you, but every time I reach for my laptop, waves of nausea or various aches and pains pull me back to the couch.  Or to the bathroom.

I had a few moments of coherence today, so… a quick post and a pic of our little bean (right before I was 8 weeks).

Yeah.  It’s all totally worth it.

Category: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Tags: first trimester, first trimester symptoms, morning sickness

Posted By Cathy on August 12, 2010

The first trimester is kicking my ass.  It was all excitement and aww, I’m queasy, that’s so cute until 6 weeks came along.

It came along, shaking me awake in the middle of the night.  “What are you doing? Sleeping? Sleeping is for pussies! Let’s get up and puke!”

Since then, every single day has been like that.  I wake up at 2 or 3 am and I’m up for the day.  Usually I get a nap sometime in the afternoon, but I basically feel like a zombie.  I’m hardly online at all, because that requires sitting upright, reading things, and having coherent thoughts.  I’m not good at any of those things lately.

I throw up at least twice a day, usually more.  I keep about half the food I eat down, which is better than some are able to do, so I’m grateful for that.  I’m not taking any drugs for nausea or vomiting (yet), and I’m really going to try to avoid it (if I can).   There just doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it.  There is no food I can consistently keep down, and none of the tricks I’ve tried have prevented the throwing up.

I was going to do a picture of my belly, but I decided to wait until next week.  The first ultrasound is at 8 weeks, and is scheduled for this coming Tuesday.  I’m going to be a little anxious until it gets here and we hear the heartbeat.  There are just so many things that can go wrong, and because I keep looking around on the babycenter forums like a dumbass, I’m hearing about all of them.

Even though there’s that worry in the back of my mind, I still feel like everything is OK.  I feel connected to the baby.  In fact, I’m pretty convinced it’s a boy.  And maybe twins.  It’s just one of those things that popped into my head, but it won’t leave, either.  There are twins on my mom’s side of the family, plus old ladies like me tend to release more than one egg when we ovulate…

I know it seems ridiculous, but it does look like I have a little bump already.  At first I was sure it was just umm, constipation, another lovely pregnancy symptom, or bloat, on account of the fact that I’m consuming 80% of my calories from liquids.  I’ve also considered that it’s just, you know,  fat, since the food that seems the most likely to stay down is the least healthy – McDonald’s, Taco Bell.

Anyway, I know I should be happy, because lots of symptoms usually mean the baby is healthy, which I am happy about.  It’s just draining to feel on the edge of vomiting all the time.  Plus my appetite is out of control, so I’m really hungry, but most things don’t sound very appealing.

I’m trying not to be cranky, but I’m not sure how well I’m doing with that.

I can tell you my husband is a saint though.  He encourages me to nap every day, has been taking care of most of the meals, all the shopping, gets me whatever food I want whenever I want it, and he’s even been nesting with me.

We have plenty of room here for a baby, but some serious cleaning out and rearranging need to happen first.  As my energy allows, we’ve slowly been working on that project.

We aren’t letting ourselves look at any baby things until I’m safely through the first trimester.  We had one tentative discussion about names, but I think we want to hold off on that one, too.

For once, I won’t end with promises to post regularly.  I’m not promising anything until I make it through the first trimester alive.

PS.  I almost didn’t include this, because I rarely get any sort of bloggy attention, and because I tend to think everything is a scam.  (OK, and also because I’m not entirely convinced this isn’t some grad student’s thesis project).  But if you look on that list, you’ll see little ole me at #21 of the personal relationship blogs.  The compiler of the list sent me a very nice email, and I do seem to be getting some good traffic and a new reader or two from it, so how can I not thank them and try to send a few hits to the other blogs?

Category: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tags: first trimester, first trimester symptoms, morning sickness, Trying To Conceive

Posted By Cathy on July 27, 2010

Pregnancy fatigue is no joke.  I’m a little extra tired today because I missed my nap, but I wanted to get a quick post up.

I plan to be more organized, and do that thing all the pregnant blogging ladies do where I post pics of my belly and what stage of development the baby is in.

Tomorrow I start my 5th week, so I may do a picture then.  I might even do one from the front so we can all watch the tattoos on my belly grow.  My first doctor appointment is early next week.  It can’t get here quickly enough.

Overall I’m feeling fine.  I have some of the usual symptoms – fatigue, queasiness (no puking yet), metallic taste in my mouth, peeing all the time, some lower back pain, increased appetite (and how).  My time is pretty much consumed with reading, eating, sleeping, peeing, journaling, occasionally writing, and trying to expose the baby to as much scifi as possible.

Pregnancy has also apparently brought up my latent hippie tendencies.  They’ve been buried for the last several years, but lately, I don’t want any chemicals on my body or in my house.   My quest to be a green mom should be an interesting one.  (I’m sure that’s a series of blog posts right there.)

Hmm… I guess I need to update my about page and come up with a category name for the baby posts… any ideas?

Category: Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
Tags: first trimester

Posted By Cathy on July 21, 2010

I tried to get a better picture, but that’s the best I can do.  I’ve already decided to start using pregnancy brain as an excuse for everything.

That’s one of three positive tests I’ve taken over the last two days, from different brands.

My chart had very clear patterns this month, and I’m pretty confident July 8 or 9 was the date of conception.  Making my due date April 1st or 2nd.

Something tells me it’s likely to be April Fool’s Day.

PS. Yes, I know it’s really, really early to share such news, but now seems a silly time to stop sharing every step of the journey with all of you.  And there is absolutely no way I could keep my mouth shut until my 6 week appointment on August 3.

Category: Marriage, Trying To Conceive | 21 Comments »
Tags: positive pregnancy test, Trying To Conceive

Posted By Cathy on July 20, 2010

We’ve been grilling a few times a week this summer, and we’ve tried some new recipes.  I have them all in a pile next to my laptop.

That pile is next to a pile of blog outlines.  Even though there’s been no posting, there has been much writing and thinking about where this blog fits into all that.  Change is in the air.

Beer Can Chicken

• 1 12 oz can of beer
• 1 chicken (3.5 – 4 pounds)
• 2 tablespoons Basic Barbecue Rub (recipe follows)

1. Pop the tab off the beer can.  Using a church-key style can opener, make a few more holes in the top of the can.  Pour out half the beer into the soaking water of the wood chips.  Set the can of beer aside. (We used an almost 5 pound chicken, so we used a 16 oz can of Miller High Life.  It’s the Champagne of Beers, you know.)

2. Set up the grill for indirect grilling, and place a large drip pan in the center.

3. Remove the packet of giblets from the body cavity of the chicken; remove and discard the fat just inside the body and neck cavities.  Rinse the chicken, inside and out, under cold running water and then drain and blot dry, inside and out, with paper towels.  Sprinkle 2 teaspoons of the rub inside the body and neck cavities of the chicken.  Rub the bird all over on the outside with 2 teaspoons of the rub.  If you have the patience, you can put some of the rub under the skin.  (We did not have the patience.)

4. Spoon the remaining 2 teaspoons of rub through the holes into the beer in the can.  Don’t worry if it foams up: this is normal.  Insert the beer can into the body cavity of the chicken and spread the legs out to form a sort of tripod.  Tuck the wing tips behind the chicken’s back.

5.  When ready to cook, toss all the wood chips on the coals.  Stand the chicken up in the center of the hot grate, over the drip pan and away from the heat.  Cover the grill and cook the chicken until the skin is a dark golden brown and very crisp and the meat is cooked through (about 180 degrees F), about 1 1/4 to 1/1/2 hours.

6. Using tongs, carefully remove the chicken from the grill in its upright position on the beer can.  Let rest 5 minutes, then carefully remove the chicken from the beer can.  Quarter or carve the chicken and serve.

Basic Barbecue Rub

• 1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup sweet paprika
• 3 tablespoons black pepper
• 3 tablespoons coarse salt
• 1 tablespoon hickory-smoked salt or more coarse salt
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 2 teaspoons onion powder
• 2 teaspoons celery seeds
• 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Combine all the ingredients in a mixing bowl and stir to mix.  Your hands work better for mixing than a spoon or a whisk does.  Use your fingers to break up any lumps of brown sugar.)  Store the rub in an airtight jar away from heat and light; it will keep for at least 6 months.

We didn’t have hickory-smoked salt, so we used 3 tablespoons of sea salt and 1 tablespoon of Kosher salt; and we stored our leftovers in the fridge.  It really is a good go-to barbecue rub to use for most grilling.

As usual, this is a Steven Raichlen recipe – this one is from How To Grill.

Category: Recipes | No Comments »
Tags: basic barbecue rub, beer can chicken, grilling, How To Grill, Steven Raichlen

Posted By Cathy on June 30, 2010

If you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed in increase in the astrology talk lately.  Astrology used to be one of many things I was interested in that somehow ended up getting abandoned along the way.

The way has been fairly long and tedious, and I seem to have lost many pieces of myself along the path.  In fact, I’m pretty sure there are pieces strewn about nowhere near the path.  Gathering them all up, deciding which ones to keep, and figuring out how to put it all back together is going to be challenging, but I’m finally ready to do it.

There is a way to reconcile some of my more… esoteric beliefs and ideas with my Catholic faith.  There is a way for me to feel at home in a Church that thinks gay people are sinners, and that the earth is only 6,000 years old.

The only way I’m going to figure that out is to… well, figure it out.  Not to spend my time watching TV, reading garbage, and whining about how I want things to be different.

I’ve been trying to follow some new and different people on twitter and find some new sites to read.  I found a link to this site that does a free partial astrological chart.

Those of you that know me for reals, prepare to be amazed at the accuracy.  The link to my actual chart is at the bottom so you can see the whole thing (charts are long) and the pretty picture if you want.  (For those of you that don’t know much about astrology, the sun sign is your “sign” – I’m a Scorpio – rising sign is first. And that’s the best explanation I can give with my own limited understanding of it.)

Rising Sign is in 20 Degrees Gemini
Extremely active by nature, you like to get around, meet people and do different things. Very restless, you just can’t seem to stay put. You need to be involved in several projects at once in order to keep your mind stimulated. You like to read books and to write letters and to talk — constantly. Seemingly ageless, you will always appear to be much younger than you really are. Very adaptable and inquisitive, you are always open to new ideas and experiences. A “jack-of-all-trades”, you are lively and versatile. Because of the high nervous tension that you always seem to have, athletic activity would be a good way for you to burn off energy. But be careful of a tendency to experience things only superficially — try to dig in and absorb things at a deeper level.

They don’t call me Chatty Cathy for nothing.  I had a friend in Tucson who was fond of introducing me by saying, “Cathy goes to 11″.

Seemingly ageless? I’m 36.  A little over a year ago I got carded buying a lottery ticket.  Or maybe “seemingly ageless” is a just a fancy way of saying immature.

Sun is in 25 Degrees Scorpio.
Intense and complex by nature, you have extremely strong emotional reactions to most situations. Feelings are often very difficult for you to verbalize. Therefore you have a tendency to be very quiet – - to brood and think a lot. You seldom get overtly angry, but, when you do, you are furious and unforgiving. When you make an emotional commitment, it is total — you are not attracted to superficial or casual relationships. If you are challenged, you take it as a personal affront and tend to lash out and fight back in a vengeful manner. You love mysteries and the supernatural. A good detective, you love getting to the roots of problems and you enjoy finding out what makes other people tick. You are known to be very willful, very powerful and quite tenacious!

Pretty much all I have to say to this paragraph is Fuck. Yes.  Especially the intense emotional reactions, and the brooding and thinking a lot.  You wouldn’t think I’d have time with all that talking, but believe me I do.

Maybe it’s not my best quality, but I am indeed furious and unforgiving when hurt.  It’s because I invest so much of myself in, and care so deeply about, whatever it is I’m doing – project, relationship.  People that shit on that or use it to their advantage, or to purposely hurt me are assholes who don’t belong in my life.

Moon is in 04 Degrees Virgo.
You tend to be serious-minded but cheerful for the most part. You need tasks that engage both your mind and your hands. A careful worker, you enjoy making things. You are neat and orderly, and are very concerned with good health habits. Fastidious to the extreme, you cannot tolerate messes and will immediately clean them up. Reserved, shy, and very self-critical, you tend to be very hard on yourself. You usually will go out of your way to be helpful and useful to others. Practical, reliable, efficient and conservative, at times you are a bit of a prude. You are known to lead a simple, uncomplicated, frugal, methodical and unemotional lifestyle. You are devoted and caring to those you love.

Again, yes. YES.  Also, I appreciate the way they call my mild OCD being neat and orderly. Basically it drives me batshit insane when things aren’t where they’re supposed to be.  Or even if they’re just slightly crooked.  One of my very favorite things to do is to clean out and organize drawers and closets.  And label things with my kick-ass label maker.

And, umm, I totally disagree with being called a “prude”.  ME? Seriously? Actually, Scorpios are known as being the most sexual of the signs.  Ahem.  BUT.  We prefer subtle sexuality.  You will not see us incessantly posting pictures of ourselves in tiny outfits making the Duck Face so our male friends will tell us how hot we are.  WE ALREADY KNOW and we don’t need your validation.  (Also, if you’re going to flirt with us, you better step up your game.  Don’t use the same stuff you use on everyone else, cause we’ll see through that and probably get offended you weren’t willing to try harder.)  We don’t feel the need to make constant proclamations about our physical attributes or prowess in the sack.  Or try to find a way to bring up how big our boobs are in every facebook or twitter update.  In fact, I would venture to say we define “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.”

Mercury is in 10 Degrees Scorpio.
You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering — reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.

This entire paragraph is crap.  The last sentence in particular.

Mars is in 25 Degrees Aries.
You are very independent and self-assertive, and you have lots of physical energy. You are not satisfied unless you can be the first to do something. As such, you are more comfortable in leadership positions than you are as an underling. When you are challenged by anyone for anything, you delight in the competitive process and will fight long and hard for your beliefs. You are bold and courageous and often act without thinking. At times, in your zeal to get ahead, you are tactless and offensive — learn that cooperation with others can often bring you nearer to your goals quicker because of the support you will get.

Tactless and offensive? Me? No way.  Well, ok maybe sometimes, but it’s not intentional. I’m just blunt.  Things kinda come out before I figure out how to say them the “right” way.

Saturn is in 03 Degrees Cancer.
The most important issue for you is emotional security. You have a deep and gnawing fear that those on whom you depend for emotional support will prove to be unreliable in the long run. When you are unloved and insecure, you distrust others and tend to feel isolated and lonely. Very cool, detached and objective, you can be counted on — in situations that are inherently stressful or full of tension — not to lose your self- control. That is a great and welcome gift at such times.

You could put an exclamation point after every sentence in that last paragraph.  Each one couldn’t be more true.  I would argue the reason I have such a deep and gnawing fear is because that has happened to me.  Over and over again I have found myself in situations where I’ve been betrayed by people I thought I could trust.  I’ve allowed people to convince me I was more important to them than I actually was… something I clearly should have seen by their behavior.  But I’m pretty good at making excuses for other people’s actions.  That is going on my List of Things to Work On, along with whatever other part of me it is that attracts these types and allows me to keep them in my life.  I could probably work on not making excuses for my own actions while I’m at it.

N. Node is in 29 Degrees Sagittarius.
You will probably have many different contacts and acquaintances throughout your life. You’re quite gregarious by nature and your natural curiosity about others lets you take the lead in forming new relationships. You’ll form close ties with those who have similarly idealistic ideas — especially those who can stimulate you intellectually in your chosen field of interest. Your enthusiasm for learning new things may also cause you to do quite a bit of traveling. Because you probably will have many wide-ranging interests and concerns, you most likely will have contacts and connections in various parts of the country (or world).

Let’s end on a high note, shall we?  Thanks to the wonderful interwebs, I have “met” some of the most amazing people.  They inspire me, they encourage me, they kick my ass when I need it, and they tell me I don’t suck.  I’m finally re-discovering myself and the things I’m passionate about, and I’m pretty sure I can’t do that alone.

My chart

Category: Being Catholic, Stuff I Like | 4 Comments »
Tags: astrological chart, astrology, Scorpio

Posted By Cathy on June 23, 2010

One of these mornings I’m going to get to rush out of the bathroom, positive pregnancy test in hand, and wake my husband up with some long-awaited good news.

It won’t be today.

I don’t know whose bright idea it was to make the symptoms of PMS the exact same as early pregnancy, but I would like to kick them in the nuts.

I say nuts because I can only assume it was a man.

Every month I try to reason with Puppy.  (That’s the part of myself that gets overly exuberant about everything.)

Puppy: Look! Our temperature is way low today! Today’s 7-10 days after ovulation.  I think we’re pregnant!!!

Cathy: Or it means that we slept with the window open and we’re freezing.  See the goosebumps?

Puppy: Was that a twinge? It was! That was totally an implantation cramp!

Cathy: No, I think that’s from the wine and ramen noodles we had for “dinner” last night.

Puppy: You should stop drinking wine.  We’re totally pregnant.

Repeat above scene with each common early pregnancy PMS symptom:  fatigue to the point of stupidity, food cravings, bitchiness, crying at the drop of a hat, nausea, and sore boobies.

That’s what I found this morning when I logged onto Fertility Friend* to enter my temp and the first day of my period (click to enlarge it).  A “free VIP upgrade” that I didn’t want, for this very reason.  Because it gangs up with Puppy to convince me I’m pregnant, and then I’m outnumbered.   And really start to believe it.

It’s all Look at your good sex timing!** and Look – an implantation dip! and Holy crap you can take a test today!!!”

Except? Aunt Flo had already arrived bright and early this morning to piss in my Cheerios.

When I do enter my period into my chart, FF just starts the cycle over, like nothing happened.  The least it could do after getting my hopes up for weeks is give me some pasta, chocolate, and wine.  And some salt & vinegar potato chips.

See the thing is, I do get my hopes up.  Every month.  Even though common sense tells me not to.

And then I get disappointed and have a difficult day or two.  Days where I try to remember that this is happening to my husband, too.  I don’t know if I always do a very good job of that.

But even though it’s hard, I think I’d rather deal with the disappointment than stop getting my hopes up.  That feels too much like giving up.

* For the record, I have no beef with Fertility Friend and I’m going to continue to use the free, non-VIP service as soon as they’ll let me.  The fancy stuff just feeds my neuroses.  Of which I clearly have several.

** Also for the record, we did it more often than that. Way more often. I’m just lazy about things that are less fun than sex. Like data entry.

Category: Marriage, Trying To Conceive | 1 Comment »
Tags: early pregnancy symptoms, fertility, Fertility Friend, PMS symptoms, Trying To Conceive

Posted By Cathy on June 14, 2010

The Goonies

I should apologize right now to anyone who isn’t a fan of The Goonies.  Because that movie is going to be taking over my next few posts.

Actually, if you’re not a fan of The Goonies, you should apologize to me and then send me a letter listing all the reasons why I should still speak to you.

The first weekend in June we drove up to Astoria to attend the 25th Anniversary Celebration of The Goonies.  I meant to get a post up right away, but the week got away from me.  And then the weekend did too.

I did a detailed outline and organized all our pictures when I got home so there really will be posts coming.  Not like all the other times I do something cool and then wait a year to write about it.

Don’t get arrested in Arkansas

We moved into the duplex we rent last October and we periodically get mail addressed to one or two of the former tenants.  This came in the mail on Saturday:

You have to pay to turn yourself in? That’s some bullshit right there.

Anyway, we like to google things around here, so of course we did a search for her name.  Sadly, the first hit was an obituary for her.  Apparently she died weeks before the postcard was sent out.

So, umm… someone might want to hook the Jacksonville Police Department up to this fancy thing we like to call “the internet”.

Don’t be a dick

What is it lately with anonymous websites and twitter accounts set up solely for the purpose of attacking people? or TV shows? I realize trolls have been around as long as the internet has… but what the fuck, people? Grow up.

Or we’re going to take away your internets and send you to your room until you’ve learned your lesson.

Category: Random | 4 Comments »
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Posted By Cathy on May 31, 2010

Almighty and eternal God,
those who take refuge in you will be glad
and forever will shout for joy.
Protect these soldiers as they discharge their duties.
Protect them with the shield of your strength
and keep them safe from all evil and harm.
May the power of your love enable them to return home
in safety, that with all who love them,
they may ever praise you for your loving care.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Many, many thanks to our veterans, our military, and their families for protecting us and keeping us safe.  Your sacrifices are much appreciated.

And because it’s my blog and I can, I’m going to take this opportunity to honor my mommy too.  She retired yesterday from 40 years of nursing.

For most of those 40 years, she was a single mom working shifts.

Mom, I swear to God I didn’t do things I wasn’t allowed to do when you were working 3-11. Well, hardly ever.

Category: Life | 2 Comments »
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Posted By Cathy on May 29, 2010

It’s been a busy few weeks around here.  Busy, insightful, scary, but good.

Our first month of trying did not result in a pregnancy.  Of course I’m a little disappointed even though I knew it was unlikely to happen this time, since the ovary that has this was up to bat.

I realized I’m a writer.  And not in that, “hey look at me… I have a blog so that makes me a writer” way.  I mean, that’s what I am on the inside.  It’s what I should have decided I wanted to be when I grew up.  But I thought only special, inherently talented people got to be writers, and I’ve never considered myself one of those.  And frankly, the words “freelance” and “no health insurance” scared the shit out of me even when I was still in high school.  It never occurred to me to look into having a more stable career related to writing, I just moved onto the next thing.

Anyway, since writers write, that’s what I’ve been doing.  I didn’t mean to neglect the blog, it just sort of got lost when I opened the floodgates. They’ve been closed for a very long time.  I’m still not entirely sure what goes where yet, but I intend to make sure some of it ends up here.

I think it’s been a few posts since I mentioned how wonderful and supportive my husband is.  He smelled the “I’m going to start writing” coming before I even said anything, and bought me some books and other supportive writerly accessories.  Like a laptop.

My very first laptop.  Stop laughing.  I went to college in the early 90s when only nerds and rich people had their own computers.  I didn’t even own a PC until 2000.

I love having a laptop, and I will love it even more once I get used to the no mouse thing.  It’s super fun to try to set up a new computer when you can barely figure out how to navigate.   But I’m sure in no time My Precious and I will be the best of friends.

And honestly, I don’t know if I’m Snow White or what, but we appear to be destined to have animals decide they want to try to live with us.  Whether we like it or not.  In the last house it was a family of field mice.

In this house, I thought it was a ghost at first.  Nothing like hearing an eerie scratching sound coming from the walls in the middle of the night.  But after leaping out of bed and getting my EMF detector out so I could play Ghost Hunters, we heard the sound again.  And it was quite obviously the sound of a medium size animal with claws walking around near the heating vents.

I was immediately grossed out because I pictured a family of nasty rodents pooping everywhere and leaving rotting carcasses about.  Something like this:

After weeks of hearing the noise several times a day, Jerrad set up our motion-activated webcam in the crawlspace under the house.  We don’t have a good clip to show you yet, but it seems like what’s going on down there is more like this:

Photo credit

And this:

Photo credit

Category: Life | 1 Comment »
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