Posted By Cathy on March 5, 2010

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been feeling very well lately.

It’s no secret that I’ve been battling ladyparts problems for years now, or that I have IBS.

I used to post about those things once in a while because it involved a funny story, like when I had to pee real bad that time at the ob/gyn’s office but there was someone else’s big giant turd in the toilet, or because venting it all out in one hopefully funny tirade helps me get some perspective, or because I want to share recipes or tips that work for me.

It’s quite out of character for me to be actually maudlin, or whiny, or complainy about how I’m feeling.  But yet… looking at my tweetstream or my facebook status updates there is a hell of a lot of all those things over the past 6 months or so.  A lot.

Also? I’m not the biggest fan of seeking sympathy from people.  But yet… well, see above paragraph.

Also not a fan of feeling sorry for myself at all.  But yet…

I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to sit around and whine and cry about shit. I’d rather employ the Scarlett O’Hara approach, in which, well, I just won’t think about that today, I’ll think about that tomorrow.  By the time tomorrow comes, I usually don’t give a shit anymore because it wasn’t a big deal in the first place.

Or my second approach is what I call, the “well that totally sucked.  Now what are we going to do about it?”  It’s like the scene in the SG1 episode where the team gets mistaken for kidnappers and Vala is trying to get something out of an alarmed glass enclosure, and it doesn’t work out so well.  And by that I mean a bunch of iron bars come crashing down. Instead of walking away, she was all, “Ok, freeing treasure from metal enclosure.”

Those approaches to stress were hard-won lessons for me.  Very hard-won.  I spent most of my life reacting the exact opposite way – obsessing, complaining, ruminating, plotting revenge, cursing the fates.  Even though I knew that wasn’t how I wanted to live my life, and that it didn’t feel right inside, it was hard to break through that.

Looking at all my blog posts over the last year or so, there’s a definite theme.  It’s… listlessness.  Confusion.  Feeling lost.  And extremely little application of either of my two approaches.

IBS is one of many conditions that requires a lot of self-monitoring of diet and behavior. You spend a lot of time thinking about what you ate, what you’re going to eat, what that particular twinge in your stomach means – did I accidentally eat some wheat?

You have to do this to be healthy.  You just have to.  I pissed and moaned and pouted and whined when I first got diagnosed.  And then I did it some more after the results of some food allergy testing.

But eventually I figured it out.  I figured out a diet that worked, an exercise routine, ways to manage stress, all that good stuff.  I didn’t always follow it, because well, beer and bread and cheese and cake and ice cream and pasta are really yummy.  And I learned what the prices of consuming those things were.

I’ve had 10 years to learn to manage my food intolerances and IBS.  10 years.

I’d have to say, at this point I’m pretty damn good at it.

Which is why it was so confusing and scary when I kept having new and ever increasing stomach symptoms.

When my legs started cramping at night so bad I could hardly stand it.

When I would wake up drenched in sweat, but freezing cold.

When my hands and feet were constantly icy.  So much so that my dog and husband would sometimes flinch when I went to touch them.

When I would get so exhausted I would actually stumble into walls when I was walking down the hall.

When I would feel confused and disoriented, or couldn’t remember what I’d had for breakfast, just a few hours ago.

But the worst symptom of all was the fact that I just… didn’t feel like it.  I wasn’t depressed, or sad, exactly. I just didn’t care.

That was pretty scary. There have been times in my life when I’ve struggled with depression, and it’s been mostly situational.  I also worked in mental health for a long time and I know the ways depression can clinically present itself.  I could tell this was different, but I couldn’t understand how or why.

I have a pretty good life.  Sure, I’ve dealt with some pain and possible fertility issues and making big decisions about relocating.  But.  I’m married to a wonderful man, I don’t have to work right now and I have plenty of time to not only heal from surgery and whatnot, but to do all those things I wish I had the time to do when I was working 50 hours a week.  I can read books, read magazines, write, watch TV, take 2 hours to cook a complicated recipe for dinner, play on the internet, learn to sew.

I’m lucky.  Damn lucky.  So why the long face? And why the constant physical symptoms when I was doing everything “right”? That was the question driving me (and probably my husband) almost insane with worry.

When I met with the surgeon, I told him all these things.  Then he pointed out how pale I looked and agreed that it would be a good idea to order “some tests”.

So, four vials of blood later, guess what you guys? It turns out that I’m anemic.

Like really super bad my iron level was 3 anemic.  I’ve likely been anemic, maybe this severely so, for a while now.

But, yeah, that’s it. Just little old anemia.

That is likely the underlying cause of it all. Turns out your blood not circulating through your body the way it should can really fuck your shit up.  Like, all your shit.  Your stomach, your skin, your brain, your joints, your endocrine system.

Here’s a symptom list I found on yahoo that I like to call, Cathy is NOT losing her mind, nor is she going to be on the next episode of one of those medical mystery shows.

The best part? The cure is so easy.  I just take iron twice a day with food.

The worst part? It could take six months or longer to feel “normal” again.

Always with the waiting.

Very funny, universe.  Very funny.

Category: Life, Living With IBS | 8 Comments »
Tags: anemia, anemia symptoms, fertility, iron, Living With IBS

Posted By Cathy on March 2, 2010

I am awesome at quitting.  Sometimes, like right now, I quit things before I even start them.

Remember this post back at the end of January about how I was joining the Slow Readers Book Club? And how happy I was that I had something like 6 weeks to read the book because I’m so lazy?

So, umm… yeah.  It’s March 2. The review is due March 4. And I started the book… uh… yesterday.

Before you get all judgey, keep in mind I had the inside of my uterus scraped and then burned. That and the recovery was fairly time-consuming.  Not to mention, it sort of sucked.  Especially the part where I still have a bruise on my arm two weeks later from the nurse missing (puncturing?) my vein.

And the part where I couldn’t keep any food down at all, for like 3 days.  That sort of sucked, too.

By the way, do you know how they give you nausea medicine when you keep throwing up? Think about it.

That really sucked.

For some reason, I thought going into this that recovering from surgery would be a great time to lay around and read a good book. And maybe it would have been if there hadn’t been so much above-mentioned suckage.  And if it hadn’t been for my painkillers.

It wasn’t exactly the best time to read a book with an eye to writing a review about it.

But since this book was on my To Read list before I heard about the club, I was determined to power through.  More importantly, I wanted the writing practice of doing a review. I don’t have a job, and I read quickly, so I thought I could still make it work.

Work.  That was all I could think about as I was reading a book I was really enjoying. I was especially enjoying taking notes, and thinking about how I wanted to phrase certain things in my review. At least seven different posts about my past and my family popped into my head. All in the first 30 pages.

And I wanted to go write at least one of those posts, but I couldn’t. Because I had work to do.

Wait a minute! Reading, and writing about reading, and reading something that inspires me to go write are some of my very favorites! When did this become work?

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s the exact opposite of the intention of the club.

Honestly? I think I’m just not a book club person, you know? Some people are, some people aren’t.

I think it says a lot that I’ve been a voracious reader all my life, and have been friends with other readers, and I’ve never been in a book club.  The thought just never appealed to me, and I still can’t quite figure out why.

It’s not the deadlines.  I don’t mind those.  Especially for something like this where I could just as easily catch up with the next book they pick.

It’s not the not always getting to pick the book.  I’m interested in reading everything, so there really is no “something I wouldn’t have chosen for myself”.  And if I didn’t like it, I would have no problem telling my peeps that it sucked so much I couldn’t even finish it.

It’s not the peeps in this case, either.  That’s the beauty of online – if you happen to come across someone you don’t care for, just don’t interact with them.  Simple.

Maybe it’s a combination of all those? I really don’t know.

I do know that even though I read quickly, it takes me a while to actually finish a book, because I read at least two, and sometimes as many as four, books at the same time.*

I still intend to post a review of Half Broke Horses when I’m finished reading it.  I can’t tell you when that might be, though.  Because the other book I’m reading is Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy.  And it is very, very awesome.

Or maybe it’s just ok, and I just think it’s awesome because OMG the Final Five! Baltar! the Cylons! Starbuck! Earth! the Colonials!

We’ll see when I post that book review.

Yes, I just said that I am not only reading a book about the philosophy of a science fiction show, but that I’m going to post a review when I’m done.

* Unless you are some sort of professional who wants to pay me to do reviews.  Then, I’ll read whatever you want me to as quickly as you want me to read it.  I won’t even complain.  Anywhere that you could read it, anyway.

I’ll just kick it old school and get a handwritten journal that no one else is allowed to read.

Category: Random, Stuff I Like | 6 Comments »
Tags: Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy, book clubs, book reviews, bsg, Half Broke Horses, reading

Posted By Cathy on March 1, 2010

The best thing about this recipe is that it’s almost impossible to screw up. I found it at allrecipes two years ago and it’s one of those I make every once in a while.  It was the first recipe that came up just now when I did a google search to get the link, so apparently I’m not the only one who thinks it’s yummy.

Slow Cooker Pepper Steak

• 2 lbs beef sirloin, cut into 2 inch strips
• garlic powder to taste
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 cube beef bouillon
• 1/4 cup hot water
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1/2 cup chopped onion
• 2 large green bell peppers, roughly chopped
• 1 (14.5 oz) can stewed tomatoes, with liquid
• 3 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon white sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt

1. Sprinkle strips of sirloin with garlic powder to taste.  In a large skillet over medium heat, heat the vegetable oil and brown the seasoned beef strips.  Transfer to a slow cooker.

2. Mix bouillon cube with hot water until dissolved, then mix in cornstarch until dissolved.  Pour into the slow cooker with meat.  Stir in onion, green peppers, stewed tomatoes, soy sauce, sugar and salt.*

3. Cover, and cook on high for 3 to 4 hours, or low for 6 to 8 hours.

Generally I prefer to cook all slow cooker recipes on low, but since I realized at 2 pm that day that I had forgotten to start dinner, this one cooked on high.  And it turned out plenty tasty.

*My step two went more like this:

2. Realize you are out of beef bouillon and beef broth.  Despite the fact that you were just at the store with a detailed list. Heat up some chicken broth instead and mix in the cornstarch until dissolved.  Pour into the slow cooker with meat.  Sprinkle with sugar and salt.  Stir in onions, green peppers, stewed tomatoes (along with about 2 cups of diced tomatoes leftover from another recipe that have been in the fridge for 3 days).  Start swearing loudly when you realize you’re out of soy sauce, too.  Dump some Worchestershire sauce on there instead, but completely forget to measure, or even pay attention to, how much you used.  Also, forget to take a picture at every step of the recipe, including the finished product.

I’m pretty much the best recipe blogger ever.

Category: Recipes | No Comments »
Tags: slow cooker pepper steak

Posted By Cathy on February 17, 2010

I’ve been hiding under a rock for the last week or so.

I tend to do this when Aunt Flo is in town.  I curl up on the couch with my heating pad, abuse ibuprofen, pass clots the size of nickels, and wish I was dead.  Jerrad only gets close enough to hand me food, chocolate and booze.  Really, it’s just safer for all involved.

This month it was a little bit easier.  Long story short – only because I will blog in detail after my surgery -things did eventually start happening after my last post, and I’m scheduled for surgery in the morning.  Knowing that this was likely my last extra-shitty period made it easier to bear.

Well that and the morphine.  I have to say, I’m a big fan.  I’m not taking a very big dose, so it’s not like I’m sleeping all the time or drooling on myself.  It’s just enough that I’m relaxed and that being in pain just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

Ok, so I might be hallucinating and seeing pretty colors, but I’m pretty sure that’s because I’m still not sleeping.  I’m just going to hope that works itself out as some of these other things work themselves out.

I’m assuming surgery, even something relatively minor like this, will put me out of commission for a bit, so don’t be surprised if I crawl back under my rock for another week or so.  I plan to lay on the couch, make out with my morphine, read my book club book, and continue marathon-watching my latest sci-fi obsession, Farscape.

Category: Life | 1 Comment »
Tags:

Posted By Cathy on February 10, 2010

I hate waiting.  With the passion of a thousand fiery suns.

Awhile ago one of my friends described herself as an “offensive player” in a post and it stuck with me because that totally describes me, too.  I’d much rather figure out what I want, go for it, and let the chips fall where they may then sit around just reacting to life.

I’m not saying this strategy has always been ideal.  Actually, what I should say is that listening to my gut has never steered me wrong.  Never.  It’s when I didn’t listen to my gut, or it said something I didn’t want to hear, or started speaking fucking French to me and I had no idea what it was trying to say, that I got in big trouble.

And when I fuck up, I like to do it right.  Getting divorced, totalling my practically brand new car.

Go big or go home.

Also? I care way too much what people think about me.  The irony is that it’s the wrong people.  I cringe more at criticism from someone who doesn’t even know me than I do from someone who actually knows me and is probably just trying to stop me from fucking up.

Good luck with that, by the way.  Many have tried and failed.

By far, the best example of this is my first marriage.  On some level, I knew it was a mistake.  So did everyone else.

We got married outside and the “aisle” was a set of steps that I walked down into a garden. It was all happiness and giddy nervousness as my bridesmaids were walking down the aisle.

But, when I got to the top step, I froze.  And not just because I had to wait for the right music.

I literally could not move.  My heart was racing, my throat was dry, and I felt like I was about to fall off the edge of a cliff.  I remember slowly turning to look at my dad, which made me notice all the people down there, standing and staring up at me.  Waiting.  Not for me to run away but to come down there and get married like I promised to do.

When I finally looked at my dad, I’m pretty sure the look on his face was hopeful anticipation. I think he may have even been holding his car keys in his tux pocket, just in case.

But, I ignored my instincts and walked down the aisle straight to bankruptcy and divorce court not two years later.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, did I forget to mention that I’m still only sleeping in 4-5 hour increments?  I’m pretty sure I’m officially insane now.  I’m also pretty sure that should entitle me to some sort of good medication.

Anyway. My life the last year or so has consisted of a whole lot of things happening to me that I couldn’t have done anything to prevent.  Getting laid off, having increasingly worse health problems, wanting to start a family, wanting to move.

I’m not used to being in this situation.  I’m a problem solver.  When something “goes wrong” I’m all about figuring how to make it right again.  Acceptance? Not an option.  It can always be fixed.

Except when it can’t.  And now I’m getting a big fat pile of “when it can’t” flying at me from every direction.  Presumably from some sort of fan.

So instead of sitting around just waiting, I decided to try to find my personality again.  It’s around here somewhere, but it’s slowly gotten chipped away as I’ve struggled to find my identity after not working for over a year, as I’ve dealt with increasingly worse health and pain issues, as I’ve watched key parts of my support system drift away.

The old me would have taken all this even, head on.  She would have said, “Oh, change everything about my life? All at the same time? With some loss issues and fatigue and pain to boot? Heck yes! I’m ON IT.” And she would have been.

But I’m not.  I’m exhausted.  I’m frustrated.  I’m pissed off.

The good news is I still have just enough of my shit together to see what I can do about it.  First off, I’m going to do that thing we’re supposed to do when shitty things happen – you know, what is the lesson I’m supposed to learn here? How can I find the good in all this?

This challenge I’m going through with a group of friends, while painful, has encouraged me to make some changes I’ve needed to make for a while.  And to be honest, I’m finding my faith growing stronger as I rekindle some pursuits I used to be really passionate about.  And good at.  It feels nice to be good at something again.

I also noticed that I’ve slowly abandoned everything creative I used to do, other than making up some recipes here and there.  I’ve been reading the same book for the last 6 months and the only thing that has prompted me to finally finish it is joining a book club.

I hardly have any hobbies anymore. Some of this is because I just physically can’t do some of the things I used to like to do until I have my surgery. But that doesn’t mean I can’t replace them with other activities that I am able to do now.

I’ve already noticed a positive difference, but there’s a long way to go.  I’m still pretty worried, and focused on the negative, and tending to fall completely apart at the slightest provocation.

But every day it gets a little bit easier.

Category: Life | 2 Comments »
Tags: coping skills, dealing with change, limbo, waiting

Posted By Cathy on February 5, 2010

Look at me, not posting for a week again.

It’s just that I’m sort of in limbo until I hear back from my doctor’s office.  Limbo such that I’m not sure how to think about it, let alone write about it. My appointment was this past Monday (Feb. 1) and it was all talk and bloodwork.  Fortunately.

We talked about what’s going on, why he thinks it’s happening, what we can do about it, and what this means for my health and childbearing future.  Some of the possibilities are good, some more troubling.

I won’t know the deal until the results of both my bloodwork and the battle with my health insurance is over.  Insurance doesn’t like to pay for things that could be even remotely related to fertility.  Even when they hurt real real bad and are causing what might be irreparable damage to your babymaking (and surrounding) parts.

At this point all I can do is wait.  I hate waiting.  Mostly because I’m an obsessive worrier.  So, the longer I wait, the longer I have to come up with worst-case scenarios.

The only distraction that has worked for me this week is cooking.  Not my books, my sci fi shows, my writing, my tarot cards (did I tell you guys I was reading cards again? Cause I am), nothing.

Anyway, here’s the recipe for the delicious soup we had for dinner last night.  Also, this recipe is pretty cheap (and filling).  I think I figured out that each serving costs around $2.

I got this recipe from Redbook magazine last year.

Red Lentil & Chorizo Soup

• 5 cups low -sodium chicken broth
• 2 cups water
• 1 lb dried red lentils
• 1 chopped onion
• 3 cloves garlic
• 2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1 lb fresh chorizo or hot Italian sausage links
• 4 cups baby spinach

1. In a 5 quart soup pot, bring broth, water, lentils, onion, garlic, cumin, and cayenne pepper to a boil; reduce heat to low, cover and simmer 25 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat.  Add chorizo or sausage links and cook 12-15 minutes, or until fully cooked.  When cool enough to handle, cut chorizo into slices.  Add to soup, along with spinach, and cook 3-4 minutes longer, until spinach is wilted.

I used regular lentils because after two stores I was tired of looking for the red ones.  I had to cook the lentils around an hour and 15 minutes (as opposed to 25) for them to get to the consistency I wanted them to be.  I also added a little more spinach then the recipe called for.  Oh, and I used hot Italian sausage instead of chorizo.  And not just because it’s more fun to say “hot Italian sausage”.

Category: Life, Recipes | 3 Comments »
Tags: lentil and sausage soup, red lentil and chorizo soup

Posted By Cathy on January 26, 2010

UPDATE (Jan. 30, 2010): This is hands down, the laziest blogging move I have ever pulled.  I published this post on the 26th, but got distracted and forgot to pimp it on twitter.

But. I do have a reason (yes, other than laziness) for wanting to update and edit it.  The original post was about things people do on twitter to cause me to unfollow them.  But then a friend of mine, Allison, made some excellent points in the two comments she made about all these twitter/blogging/commenting rules.  (I left all the original comments in place.)

It’s some stuff that I’ve been thinking about and feeling for months, but she was the one who put it all together for me.  Especially the part about why I started blogging in the first place.

I have a bunch of crap in my head all the time and I feel better when it’s not in my head anymore.  Writing is how I work things out.  It’s why I carry a notebook around.  If don’t capture a thought on paper it’s gone forever.

My blog is my very personal journey and a long time ago I used to not be so afraid of you guys coming along for the ride.

But then I left myspace and got myself a big girl blog.  All of a sudden there were all these rules.  I’m not going to elaborate other than to say I felt pressure to fit into some sort of mold.  And to do things to get “traffic” and readers and high stats.

It wasn’t fun. It no doubt contributed to me writing some of the worst drivel of my life.

They say if you want to be inspired to write, you should read.  And read what inspires you.  So I’m going to do that. Starting right now.

I have no idea if I’m a writer or not.  But I do know that it seems to be like anything else.  You don’t know until you try.  And even if you are supposed to do something, doesn’t mean you magically know how to do it.  Sometimes you have to be taught.  You have to be ok with failing. And I’m not so much. Honestly, I’m scared to death.

I’ve decided it’s ok to be scared, too.

Oh, and here’s the original, edited post. Even though it’s a shining example of said drivel:

I started using twitter last March.  I became addicted to twitter about, oh, I don’t know…  last March, maybe?

Shockingly, it didn’t take long for me to post a rant about some things I didn’t like.  That’s also back when my husband used to comment on my blog all the time.  sigh

I still stand by pretty much everything in that post, but 9 months later my tolerance for some things has grown while my tolerance for others has become completely nonexistent.

I guess I would be remiss if I didn’t say a few words here about how I feel about online friendships.  I know some people mock the idea of truly being friends with someone you’ve never actually met, but I couldn’t disagree more.

I know some wonderful, strong writerly women who not only encourage me (me!) to write and stand up for myself, they call me on my shit when I need it.  And know when to back off when I don’t.  There’s really no other word for that then friend.

Some people say you should be really careful and cautious about online friendships.  That’s true, too.  A person can pretend to be anything they want to be online.  A blog, a tweet stream, a facebook page are easy ways to create a life that may or may not be all that it seems.

That’s where something like twitter comes in handy.  To me, it’s like a cocktail party.  You can meet someone, exchange pleasantries, and move on if you find you have nothing in common.  Or you can continue to be casual acquaintances.  Or if you do hit it off, you can add them on facebook, follow a blog, reply to them a lot on twitter, whatever.

This goes both ways.  If someone doesn’t find me particularly interesting, they can just unfollow.  I don’t even care that much anymore.  I’ll admit, it used to hurt my feelings, but then I thought about all the reasons why I unfollow people and realized it isn’t that big of a deal.  It’s the equivalent of saying, “It was nice to meet you” without adding on the “I’ll call you”.  And honestly, odds are if you unfollowed me, I wasn’t really feeling you either.

(Here’s where I did some editing – took out a little intro and the first few points, but I feel like leaving the last three unfollowing reasons up. Just because.)

3. This one is sort of awkward, so I’ll just come out and say it.  You’re a whore.  (Sadly, I’m referring to more than one person here.)  I’m tired of reading about how you’re not wearing a bra today or how big your boobs are or how much sex you’re having with random people.  I’m tired of you constantly posting pictures of your cleavage.   I’m not trying to be a prude here.  I mean, I like boobies and a good sex story as much as the next person.  But talking about sex constantly doesn’t make you sexy.  It just makes you slutty.

4. Taking a deep breath because this one is totally awkward.  But here goes. You pimp your stuff/ask for things too damn much! It’s fantastic that you wrote a book, wrote a new post, have a new giveaway, want to win an award, want to win a contest, want more followers, but I’m tired of hearing about it over and over again.  I’m all for pimping your stuff and your friend’s stuff.  Once.  Twice.  Maybe, in a very special circumstance, three times.  Anymore than that and I start feeling like doing the opposite of whatever it is you keep repeatedly telling me to do.  Or if all you ever tweet are links to your latest blog post or giveaway, well, I can get that information from my google reader, can’t I?

5. This is the only one directed at one person in particular.  Honestly, I have no idea why I didn’t unfollow you immediately after you snarked at me.  I guess at the time I didn’t want to think it was about me.  Because I’m totally fucking neurotic I tend to get my feelings hurt easily and assume things are about me when they actually aren’t.  I’m working on this issue, which means I gave you the benefit of the doubt when I really shouldn’t have.  But, yeah.  I’m pretty confident your snark was directed toward me.

I’m sarcastic.  I’m snarky.  Sometimes I’m even downright bitchy.  But one thing I don’t do, ever,  is go out of my way to hurt someone’s feelings.  Accusing someone of not taking medicine (umm that won’t help at all by the way) for a chronic condition that they have so they can then tweet about it just to get attention? You really, seriously thought that?

And personally, the way I handle it when I don’t like or I’m tired of  what someone is tweeting is to just unfollow them.  The beauty of twitter is that there’s no need to subject yourself to me when you can so easily make me go away.

And honestly? The irony of accusing someone of tweeting something for attention on a site that is designed entirely for the purpose of getting people to pay attention to what you say just kills me.

Category: Blogging, Social Media | 10 Comments »
Tags: twitter, writing

Posted By Cathy on January 24, 2010

One of the changes I’ve been wanting to make is to spend more time reading.  I’ve always been a big reader, but lately the only reading I’ve been doing has consisted almost exclusively of  tweets, facebook status updates, blogs and smutty fanfiction.

To keep this goal from being like all the other things I intend to do but never actually follow through with, I’d been thinking about joining a book club.  Not only is there a deadline to finish the book, but I have to make time to read.

Meaning, it will force me to sit in one place, relax, and lose myself in a book instead of my day to day worries.  For some reason I still struggle with giving myself permission to do this.

So as you can imagine, I was pretty excited when I read my friend Erica’s post about the Slow Readers Book Club.  She found it through one of her bloggy friends, and the best part is… everyone is welcome to join.

Here’s a description from one of the founders of the club:

“Don’t let the name fool you- it’s not for literally slow readers (although, if you are, we don’t judge) and it’s not as exclusive as a ‘club’. this is an opportunity to take part of a movement that needs a revelation to slow down and take a few minutes in our day to disconnect, reenergize and even be a part of helping our communities and environment, via The Slow Movement.”
-Diana

The first book is Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls

We have until March 4th to read the book, when we’ll each post a review of the book on our blog.

I mean, does an online book club have my name all over it or what? If you want to join too, click here to go right to the source:

You can also follow the book club on twitter.  I highly recommend this because a forum has also been set up where readers can go in and discuss the book chapter by chapter, and all sorts of other good stuff.  I haven’t looked around (or joined) the forum yet because I have about 50 pages left in my current book.

I’m totally going to finish it tonight.  Swear to God.

Category: Random | 3 Comments »
Tags: Half Broke Horses, Jeanette Walls, slow readers book club

Posted By Cathy on January 19, 2010

Holy crap you guys.

I’m a finalist in a recipe contest.  I almost didn’t even enter, but it’s an Aiming Low thing and they are all about being lazy things being easy so I figured I could probably handle it.

One of our favorite recipes is also one of the easiest recipes to make ever.  So, it was fate.

Slow Cooker Dijon Chicken

And? It’s even easier than all that.

First of all, you don’t even need to rinse the chicken first because it actually makes it germier.  Jerrad accused me of making this up to justify being lazy.  Then I reminded him to never question me.

So, basically, you just spray the crock pot with cooking spray, dump some boneless chicken in there, squirt honey mustard on it, smoosh it around with a spoon, sprinkle with salt and pepper, dump a bag of cut fresh spinach in there, a few pats of butter, more salt and pepper, cover & cook on low for 5-6 hours.  Serve with instant brown rice.

If you like, how about voting for me?

I still can’t even believe I’m a finalist.

Category: Blogging, Recipes | 8 Comments »
Tags: aiming low, recipe contest, slow cooker dijon chicken

Posted By Cathy on January 15, 2010

I have insomnia.  It comes and goes, but I’ve been dealing with it for as long as I can remember.

Sometimes it’ll leave me alone for months at a time.

Sometimes it’ll show up for a day or two and then go away.

Sometimes, like now, it’ll show up and hang on for weeks and weeks.

For at least the last month, I’ve been sleeping about 3 hours, waking up in the middle of the night for about 2 hours, then back to sleep for an hour or two.  Every night.

Other chronic insomniacs know what this means.

This means I have the CRAZY.  I can’t think straight.  I forget the right words to use.  All the little points of flashy light and streamy colors in the corners of my eyes make it hard to concentrate.

I’m not going to lie.  It is kinda fun.  Certainly makes life more interesting. Especially since right now I don’t have a job or little ones to take care of.  I can pretty much sit here and be crazy and it’s not bothering anyone.  Except my facebook friends and twitter followers.

But on the other hand, my fuse is pretty short right now.  I’ve stumbled into a few walls because I lost my balance.  I’m just… exhausted.

The last few nights have been the worst though.  Tuesday and Wednesday night each I slept about 90 minutes.

You’re probably going, “Go get some Ambien dumbass.”  And yeah, if it’s still this bad when I have my surgery consult on Feb. 1, I will.  But generally speaking, I don’t really like to take medication.  I prefer more natural remedies.

Over the years, I’ve tried them all – valerian, melatonin, along with doing all the “sleep hygiene” stuff – limiting caffeine, working out regularly, not staying in the bed when I can’t sleep, etc.

I tried a new one last night from an article Jerrad found online.  You can read the whole thing if you’re interested, but basically 5-HTP is supposed to work in a similar way to melatonin to restore normal, healthy sleep and dreaming patterns. He picked some up at one of the plethora of hippie natural foods stores here and I tried it last night.

I would say the jury is still out.  I slept from about 2-4 am, then was up for about two hours during which I engaged in activities you don’t want to hear about.   And no, it was NOT any sort of sexy time with my husband.

But. I did fall back asleep for almost four hours after that.  FOUR HOURS PEOPLE! I was practically jumping for joy.  Even though they were four very fitful hours where I’m pretty sure I turned into a werewolf,  was part of some sort of swat team trying to rescue someone from a castle, and I think there may have been a spaceship involved somewhere.

So, that little part of the article that says you might have vivid dreams? Umm, yeah that’s one way to put it.

But I also don’t have the sleep hangover you get from taking something like benadryl or sleepy time pain relievers.

I’m definitely trying it again tonight.  Maybe I’ll find out how that rescue turned out…

Category: Life | No Comments »
Tags: 5-HTP, insomnia, insomnia remedies, sleep hygiene